A Mile In My Shoes
by MetallicGirl
Summary: Starscream is fed up with Megatron for not helping enough with the kids. Megatron is pissed because Starscream doesn't understand how hard it can be to be the Decepticon Leader. But then a cruel act of Primus causes them to swap lives, leaving Starscream with the job he'd always wanted and Megatron with the ultimate lazy day off...or so they thought.
1. Fight

Megatron woke up yet again to Sapphire's screaming. She was more annoying sometimes than her mommy could ever hope to be.

"Starscream," said Megatron, shaking his spark-mate. "Starscream!"

"Whuh?" Starscream mumbled, rolling onto his back but not waking up at first. But finally Sapphire's scream was loud enough that he woke up.

"Our daughter is awake again," said Megatron. "And we have to quiet her down or she's going to wake up the..."

"Mommy! Daddy!" Stars flew into the room with Megs running behind him. "Sapphire's crying! Is she hurt?"

"No, honey..." Starscream climbed out of bed yet again, looking tired. "She's probably just hungry. Or needs her diapie changed again."

"Thank goodness you two are out of diapers," said Megatron, still not leaving the bed. "Go on, Starscream, see what's wrong with Sapphire. I'll watch over the twins."

Starscream gave Megatron a scowl and went into the nursery while the twins got into the bed with Megatron. They looked so worried. Megatron knew they didn't understand why Sapphire didn't sleep through the night, even though Starscream had tried to explain that there was nothing wrong with her and that they used to do the same thing.

"Daddy, make her stop crying," said Megs, crawling onto Megatron with tears in his eyes. "I'm scared!"

"There's nothing to be scared about," Megatron told them tiredly. "I've got an idea. How about some energon goodies?"

"Mommy said no energon goodies before bedtime," said Stars. (There was a reason for this; energon goodies always made the two of them extremely hyperactive, the last thing their parents needed at night!)

"Well, I won't tell him if you won't." Megatron picked up both of them and they left.

...

Starscream was in the nursery, sitting on Megatron's office chair, watching Sapphire as she nursed contentedly. Of course, he was glad to have his new daughter, but honestly, he did need his sleep. She often woke the twins at night, too, so Megatron had to watch over them while Starscream tried to get their newborn to fall back asleep. Being a mommy was so much work sometimes.

Not to mention, the majority of the work fell on him during the day. Megatron was still the Chief Commanding Officer of the Decepticons, and he had many responsibilities. Starscream knew that he didn't just do it for the Decepticon cause anymore; now, he also did it for his family. Megatron did provide for his family, very much so. And yet...

It wasn't like Starscream sat around doing nothing all day! Ever since he'd given birth to Stars and Megs, his role as a warrior had been replaced by his role as a mother. Now it was easy for him to cable-feed and change a diaper at the same time (even though this wasn't really needed when you only had one newborn). Picking up toys, fixing meals, changing diapies, playing games, cleaning up messes...it had become a part of his life, a part of his life he liked. And it gave him more time to be a scientist, too; Megatron had the Constructicons build Starscream a mini science lab where he could work from home when the sparklings were taking their naps or were otherwise preoccupied. Starscream thought he was in a better place now than he had been in since...well...forever.

But he wished Megatron would help out with the sparklings more, sometimes. Megatron did a lot, he knew, and he had his family's best interests in mind. But why did he never change Sapphire's diapies? When was the last time he fed her a bottle? Why was it always Starscream who came to the rescue when the kids got boo-boos? Why did he never prepare dinner every once in awhile? All he fed them was junk food! "Oh, the mission was a killer," he would say. "I'm too low on fuel," he would say. "I have an important and hard job," he would say. Well, guess what? Starscream's job was important too, and hard!

Sapphire was breathing softly, no longer sucking, and Starscream figured she'd fallen asleep with the cable in her mouth again. Just to be sure, he rocked her for a few minutes, then detached her and set her back in her crib. What a beautiful sparkling.

Starscream watched her for a little, then walked back into his and Megatron's room; his spark-mate and the toddlers were gone. Oh NO...what did that idiot think he was doing now?!

...

Megatron sat on the couch, watching his twins in the kitchen, snacking on energon goodies. What was Starscream complaining about, anyway? All you had to do to keep these twins in line was feed them energon goodies! Starscream had always insisted that Megatron "did nothing." That was so far from the truth! Being the Decepticon leader, he needed to go to battle and fight the Autobots and collect energon rations and train himself vigorously and go through battle plans and reports and try to keep track of all the morons that infested his army! Starscream was in charge of three younglings; Megatron was in charge of over thirty adults who acted like younglings.

Every day Megatron did his best to keep his family afloat. Sure, Starscream took care of them when he was going to battles and missions that often lasted all day. But did Starscream know how much was placed upon Megatron's shoulders? When was the last time Starscream had helped him come up with a battle plan? When was the last time Starscream had volunteered to help him try out a new weapon or invention? When Megatron came home at night, exhausted, Starscream didn't give him a hug and fill him with a hot meal.

Instead, Megatron would come home to his toddlers running over to him at full speed, and Starscream would complain about something or other, and they would have to eat leftovers for dinner. Didn't Starscream know how much Megatron wanted to help with the sparklings? But he was exhausted and extremely stressed out. So many people wanted his job. They didn't know that it was an actual JOB. Being the boss didn't just mean that you got to order everyone around all day. It meant that you were in charge of everything and quite often needed to do everything. With great power comes great responsibility, after all. That was just the way things were.

"MEGATRON, YOU GET IN HERE THIS INSTANT!" Starscream screeched, tearing Megatron out of his thoughts. The Decepticon Commander grabbed his toddlers and made his way to the quarters he shared with Starscream, where he confronted a fuming Starscream.

"WHAT?!" Megatron yelled.

"Where were you?!" Starscream demanded. "I came into the room to discover that you were gone! What were you doing?"

"They were just getting a snack!" Megatron defended himself. "Maybe they didn't want to listen to you and your complaining!"

"Maybe their dipshit father was feeding them garbage again!" Starscream snapped back.

"Don't call me names, Starscream!" Megatron warned him.

"I've got a good mind to, you lazy-aft slagtard!" said Starscream, shoving Megatron in the chest.

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Megatron hollered, grabbing Starscream aggressively by the wing.

"LET GO OF MY WING!" Starscream screeched, slapping Megatron hard and squirming out of the way. Only then did he look down at Stars and Megs, who were crying, frightened by their parents' fighting. Starscream felt his spark break.

"Starscream—" Megatron began, but Starscream just shoved him out of the way.

"C'mon, you two, we're sleeping in Uncle Skywarp's room tonight." Starscream picked up the twins and tried to soothe them, fighting back tears himself as he left the room.

When they reached the Seekers' room, where Skywarp and Stardust lived, Starscream slammed the door open and shut, dumped Stars and Megs onto Skywarp's bed, and collapsed onto his old one, sobbing hysterically.

Skywarp awoke immediately. "What's wrong, Starscream?!"

"Everything," Starscream wept. Stars and Megs were still crying. Starscream hated hearing them cry; it made him feel like he'd failed as a parent.

"Don't cry, Starscream," said Skywarp, approaching Starscream's bed and sitting next to him. "It's okay."

"No, it's not okay!" Starscream sat up and looked into Skywarp's concerned eyes. "And look—now I upset them."

"Uncle Skywarp!" Stars cried, his small wings drooping. "Mommy and Daddy hate each other!"

"Wha—?" Skywarp looked at Starscream in confusion.

"Megatron and I got into such a fight." Starscream pulled his knees up against his chest and sniffed. "I-I hate it when we fight. We…we have so much stress and—and we take it out on each other."

"Please don't cry, Mommy!" Megs looked so scared. Starscream let out another stifled sob.

"Listen, everything's going to be okay," Skywarp told the twins. "Just because your mommy and daddy fight doesn't mean they don't love each other. You two fight all the time, but I know you still love each other."

"But I just want them to be happy," Stars whimpered. "Why do they fight? Is it because of us?"

"No, of course not," Skywarp said with emphasis. "They love you both so much. But sometimes they just feel angry, and when you're angry you sometimes say things you don't mean."

"But crying is what you do when you're sad." Megs buried his face in Skywarp's helm. "Not angry."

"Sometimes everybody needs to cry," Skywarp whispered, snuggling them close in a comforting way. "Crying is good for you. It's just a way to let the sad feelings out. Why don't we go give your mommy a hug?"

Skywarp carried the twins over to Starscream's bed, and Skywarp wrapped his arms around Starscream in a comforting hug. Starscream took his twins into his arms and snuggled them close to his spark.

"I'm sorry," he told them shakily. "Everything's okay. Mommy's here."

"You two can share the empty bed, how 'bout that?" said Skywarp, picking the twins up and placing them onto Thundercracker's old bed. "When you wake up tomorrow, everything will be better, you'll see."


	2. Decepticon Leader

Starscream woke up in Megatron's bed. Megatron was gone.

"Megatron?" Starscream asked, sitting up in bed, wondering where his spark-mate was. Then he remembered their fight last night. Tears started to well up in his eyes as he recalled the scene. Did they really have to put their relationship on the backburner because of everything else they had going on in their lives?

Starscream was interrupted by Soundwave running into the room, clutching his datapad.

"Soundwave, the sun's barely up," Starscream groaned. "What do you want?"

"I apologize, Lord Starscream," said Soundwave, bowing in respect. Funny…Starscream had only seen him do that for Megatron before. "Ravage brings news from his spy mission. There is an Autobot attack planned for this evening."

"Well, why are you telling me?" Starscream snapped. "Go tell Megatron if it's so important to you."

"Megatron has largely stepped down from active duty," Soundwave told him. "Currently, he is watching over your daughter."

" _What_?!" Starscream cried. "No way is that true."

"My Lord, do you not remember?" Soundwave looked confused. "Ever since you became a family, Commander Megatron has lost much interest in overthrowing you."

"Megatron never tried to overthrow me," Starscream said. "I was always trying to overthrow _him_. I think you have a screw loose."

"Lord Starscream—" Soundwave reached his hand out, but Starscream wasn't paying attention as he rushed into the nursery; he just _had_ to see this for himself. And there it was—Megatron was in the nursery, rocking Sapphire in his arms. In fact, he was…SINGING to her?! What was _that_ all about?

"Starscream!" Megatron looked confused and startled. "What are you doing here?"

"I always come in here," Starscream reminded him. "It's time for Sapphire's breakfast."

"Don't worry; I already got it taken care of." Megatron stroked Sapphire's head with his finger. "She was hungry, though."

"Um…okay then." Starscream wasn't used to this at all. Megatron did hold Sapphire and everything, of course, but it was Starscream who came in to feed her every morning and change her diapie. "What caused this change of spark?"

"What are you talking about?" said Megatron. "I do this every morning."

Starscream cleared his throat. Soundwave acting weird was one thing, but Megatron too? Oh well, maybe this was just his way of apologizing for the fight.

"Hmm, well, where are the twins?" Starscream continued.

"They're probably in Soundwave's room, playing with the cassettes," said Megatron. "They love taking rides on Ravage."

"I'll go get them," said Starscream. "They probably need their breakfasts too."

"You're—you're actually going to make their meals?" Megatron looked astonished. "That's really nice of you!"

"I always make their—oh, forget it." Starscream stormed out of the room. Stomping down the hallways, on his way to Soundwave's room, he bumped into Hook.

"Watch where you're going," Starscream snapped at him.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything, Lord Starscream," Hook replied. "But Scrapper and I wanted your permission for a new building project. We need you to review the blueprints."

"Why me?" Starscream started to say, but then he remembered Soundwave saying Megatron had retired from active duty. Why, he didn't know; maybe Megatron just felt really bad about what happened last night—although actually stepping down wasn't like him.

"Lord Starscream?" Hook repeated.

"Um, yeah, whatever," Starscream told him. "I don't care what you build, okay?"

Hook shrugged. "Thank you, Lord Starscream."

 _Lord_ , _huh_? Starscream grinned; he was beginning to like this. When he finally reached Soundwave's quarters, his twins did look like they were having a good time. Stars was practicing flying with Laserbeak and Buzzsaw, and Megs was hitching a ride on Ravage's back. But when the twins saw Starscream, they ran over to him immediately.

"Good morning!" Stars flew over to Starscream and landed on his shoulder. Megs jumped off of Ravage's back and ran to Starscream's feet, waving his hands, wanting to be picked up. Starscream bent down and scooped the toddler into his arms.

"Why don't we get you two some breakfast?" Starscream asked warmly.

"Yummy!" said Megs. Starscream took them to the kitchen…where he discovered that they were out of energon again.

"Oh no…" Starscream mumbled. Megatron needed to get some energon soon or his family wouldn't have anything to eat! That idiot.

"Lord Starscream." Soundwave approached Starscream for the second time that morning. "I have observed that our energon levels are running low. I request permission to retrieve more."

"That's Megatron's job," said Starscream. "I need to make breakfast."

"I implore you, Lord Starscream," Soundwave insisted. "Commander Megatron can handle the sparklings' breakfasts quite well."

"What? Megatron is a terrible parent!" Starscream protested, but when Soundwave looked confused again, he shrugged. _Just go with it_ , _Starscream_.

It was a long flight to the cave where Soundwave had sensed the energon, but Starscream liked flying. And he wasn't getting any distress signals from the twins or Sapphire. In fact, his spark felt kind of…empty, almost as if they were blocking his connection with them. But how? They were incapable of cutting that connection off. Oh no…what if they'd died?!

 _No_ , _no_ , Starscream soothed himself. If any of his babies had died, he would have felt an excruciating tear in his spark. They were probably just distracted with something. Starscream rubbed at his spark chamber a little bit and tried to send them hugs. That was strange…his spark chamber! Had it shrunk overnight or something? Due to the nursing cable being active again, Starscream's spark chamber had grown larger again during pregnancy. But now it was flat, the way it had been before he'd given birth to Stars and Megs. Why?

Whatever. Soundwave was calling him…

"Lord Starscream!" Soundwave was saying. Starscream entered the cave to find the Decepticon third-in-command loading energon cubes onto Long Haul. "Are you not pleased?"

"I'm very pleased," Starscream replied. "Now all we have to do is take it back to base."

"Not so, Lord Starscream," said Long Haul. "There's much more of it down at an oil rig in the neighboring town. We need to harvest that too."

"Although we must destroy any surrounding humans," Soundwave added.

"Let's do it," said Starscream.

When they reached the oil rig, Starscream was happy with the sight of the oil tanks there. They would certainly have enough for a long time. Soundwave began to make the energon cubes, and Starscream and Soundwave both began to drain the oil from the tanks. Long Haul transformed and followed suit.

It wasn't long before they were spotted by the humans.

"Decepticons! Decepticons!" one human was crying out. "And they've brought Starscream!"

"The feared leader!" another one gasped.

Feared leader? Well! Starscream grinned wickedly and pointed one of his null-rays at the human workers.

"Want a taste of this?" he sneered.

"We're calling the Autobots!" the worker declared, pulling out his cell phone.

"Go ahead and try!" Starscream laughed arrogantly. Megatron probably would have told Soundwave to block out the man's cell phone reception, but Starscream was too happy about everyone referring to him as the "leader". Just like he'd always wanted!

"Lord Starscream, should we not—?" Soundwave began, but Starscream cut him off.

"You don't think I can deal with a couple of stupid Autobots?" the Air Commander demanded.

"I apologize for doubting you." Soundwave hung his head.

"That's right," said Starscream confidently. "Bring it, Optimus Prime!"

It wasn't long before the Autobots arrived. Starscream dimly remembered what Soundwave had told him this morning about an attack, but maybe they would forget the idea after Starscream handed their afts to them in battle!

Starscream prepared to shoot his gun, but he wasn't initially sure who to shoot at. Optimus Prime? Usually it was Megatron who fought him. And after being a stay-at-home mom for so long, Starscream's battle skills were admittedly a little…rusty. But he had to fight. Wasn't he the Decepticon leader now?

"You're yesterday's model, Starscream!" Optimus taunted. "Worn out!"

"How dare you insult me, you worthless Autobot!" Starscream pointed his null-ray and shot, but he missed by a long shot. What was wrong with his aim? When was the last time he'd practiced shooting at anyone, anyway?

"I'll battle Starscream!" Optimus told the other Autobots. "Prowl, evacuate the humans. The rest of you, take out Soundwave and the Constructicon."

Evacuate the humans! How silly! Starscream wondered how many times _that_ had cost the Autobots a victory.

"You are nothing but weak!" Starscream told Optimus, but he felt kind of nervous. After all, he'd never taken on Optimus head-to-head. That was, well, Megatron's job.

"Cowardly as always, Starscream." Optimus shook his head. "I refuse to let you rule Cybertron like the power-hungry warmonger you are!"

With that Starscream found himself shot right in the chest; Optimus had narrowly missed his spark chamber. Starscream fell back down onto the ground and noticed that his null-ray had fallen off! Optimus kicked it out of the way before he could reach for it.

"Do you yield, Starscream?" Optimus asked him.

"NO!" Starscream jumped up. "I will never yield to you!"

Unfortunately, Starscream was then blasted in the wing by Ironhide. The agony of the shot brought him to his hands and knees. Oh no…what if his wing needed surgery? What if it needed to be amputated? Oh, how that hurt!

Sunstreaker kicked Starscream down and laughed mean-spiritedly. This was humiliating, not just because of what the Autobots saw but also because of what Soundwave and Long Haul were seeing. Oh no! What if they thought he failed as their new leader? Normally, Starscream would've dismissed what they thought, but he was in so much pain and needed their help right away.

"Decepticons…retreat," Starscream mumbled. The Autobots cheered. With difficulty, he and the others flew back home.

…

When Starscream got back into base, all he wanted was to fix his wing up, eat something, and then go to sleep. But the twins came rushing at him with full force.

"Daddy! Daddy!" they cried.

"But…but I'm your mommy," Starscream told them. Was _everybody_ acting weird today?

"No you're not!" said Stars, and pointing to Megatron, who was waiting in the doorway. "That's our mommy!"

"Megatron, what did you tell them?!" Starscream demanded. Primus, he was already tired from his mission today…please don't let things get worse…

"I didn't tell them anything." Megatron raised one eyebrow. "Besides, Starscream, YOUR children are driving me nuts. Will you have a talk with them?"

Starscream looked down and noticed the twins, running around crazily. Normally he would've talked to them, but it had been such a day…

"Megatron, I'm exhausted," Starscream panted. "Can't you talk to them?"

"What do you mean you're exhausted?" Megatron demanded. "It's just morning!"

"Well, don't you have 'something to do'?" Starscream sneered. "Or are you going to be lazy as usual?"

"I'm not LAZY!" Megatron said back. "You're lazy!"

"Just stop, Megatron," Starscream groaned, putting his hand up. "Can't you see I'm tired? I need to go to the med bay. In case you haven't noticed, I got a bad wound and it's killing me."

"Oh yeah right!" Megatron shouted after him. "You don't know pain!"

 _Whatever THAT means_. Starscream was about to head to the med bay when he heard Sapphire screaming again. Wha…? But he wasn't getting a distress signal! Still, he was feeling nothing from her! Starscream ran like the wind to the nursery where Sapphire was screaming in her crib.

"I guess you're hungry again, aren't you?" Starscream sighed and opened up his cockpit, but gasped. NOTHING?! Nothing was there? Where was the feeding cable? In fact, his spark chamber looked the exact same way it did before he had any sparklings! What was going on?!

"Get away from Sapphire," Megatron said, rushing into the room. "Either you get a bottle out of the freezer, or I can take care of this."

Starscream's jaw fell open as _Megatron_ opened up his chest and revealed a feeding cable of his own; Sapphire quickly latched on. What was going on here?!

Then it started to come together.

LORD Starscream. Megatron stepping down from active duty. Everyone going to him for everything. Megatron being involved with the twins.

By some weird, cruel act of Primus, they had switched lives. Before Starscream could wrap his mind around this thought, Soundwave burst into the room again.

"Lord Starscream, we need you to go over the battle records," Soundwave was saying. "We also need your help in figuring out a battle plan."

Starscream looked back at Megatron, who was rocking Sapphire in his arms.

"Don't look at me," said Megatron. "I'm just the stay-at-home mom."

"B-But…okay, fine!" Starscream followed Soundwave to the main monitor room. Now he realized that the fate of the Decepticons really _was_ in his hands. The thought made him feel dizzy.

As soon as Starscream got to the control room, everyone sat down on the ground. Starscream did too, but everyone looked at him weirdly. That was when he remembered previous meetings; Megatron always stood up and made a speech, including the battle tactics he had planned. Starscream had always suspected that he made up some of them on the spot. Starscream wasn't a public speaker like Megatron was! No way could he ever do this!

Starscream's legs were shaky and his wings were drooping as he stepped towards the front of the room. Everyone was staring.

"Um…I-I suppose you're all wondering what I have planned for the Autobot invasion tonight…" Starscream gulped.

"What do you think we should do, brother?" Skywarp asked, waving his hand all around in the air.

"We should…uh…" Starscream felt himself getting increasingly nervous. "Maybe, um, just attack them or something?"

"How?" said another Decepticon.

"With…with our weapons." Starscream felt his faceplates getting red. "We should shoot at the Ark right before the time the attack is planned."

"I hate to be disrespectful, Lord Starscream, but won't they be preparing?" yet another member of the crowd asked. "Every Autobot will be home. We need to think of something else."

"Well, what do you guys think?" Starscream shrugged, trying to control his nerves.

"You should face Optimus Prime!" someone suggested. "After all, you're the Leader, right?"

"I'm…I'm the leader." Starscream's voice squeaked. "Right."

"Meanwhile, you have a training session scheduled, correct?" Soundwave raised his hand.

"N-No I…um, do I?" Starscream's voice quivered. _What_?

"You do!" Skywarp jumped up enthusiastically. "First you have to lead us Seekers in aerial maneuvers. Then you have to train the grounders!"

"I just…why don't we take a day off?" Starscream suggested humbly.

"No way," said Thundercracker. "If we have a battle tonight, we're going to have to train, and besides, nobody is better at training than you are, brother."

"Maybe at aerial maneuvers!" Starscream sounded panicked. "But I've never done grounder training before!"

It was true; he hadn't.

"Yes you have!" said Skywarp. "You always do! What are you, chicken?"

"NO!" Starscream shouted. "All right, everyone start training!"

…

Starscream was dripping coolant as he led the ground-bound Decepticons in grounder training. It had been easy for him to lead the flight maneuvers, since he always did that during training. (Well, Thundercracker had taken over once he was in his third trimester and could no longer fly, but now he'd gotten back to his normal self.)

But grounder training was different. It was _hard_. Starscream had seen Megatron lead it, and he had always wondered how the grounders managed to handle it. They had to do transform-ups, jumping jacks, scrimmages, laps, heavy weight-lifting, everything you could think of.

"One two! One two!" Starscream panted.

All the other grounders followed. "One two! One two!"

Starscream bent over and moaned as the cramp in his side got even more painful. It had developed during running, and it had _not_ gone away. Starscream was used to flight practicing. Of course he'd participated in the basic ground-bound training that everyone had to do, but Megatron had always taught the intense workouts that Seekers didn't have to do. But since he had become the new Decepticon leader, Starscream had to do all the training.

Finally, training ended. Starscream felt like he was going to collapse; he was going to stumble on down to his quarters when Soundwave confronted him in the hallway. If only Soundwave would stop bothering him…

"Lord Starscream, there is no time to rest," Soundwave said apologetically. "We must go over the battle plan."

"Can't you just get somebody else to do it?" Starscream groaned, still rubbing the cramp in his side. It reminded him of the contractions he'd gotten during labor. Well, maybe it wasn't _that_ bad, but it was close. Then again, he had switched lives with Megatron, and he had never given birth at all. That was Megatron's job.

"Negative," Soundwave replied. "It is your rule. Only the mech with the highest authority may approve the battle plan. I will follow this rule."

"Okay, fine!" Starscream followed Soundwave to the control room. Again, everybody was watching him. This was so annoying. Starscream grabbed the sheet of paper that contained their battle plan for that night.

"We seek your approval, brother!" said Skywarp.

"It's great," Starscream replied, shoving the paper back at him, not even reading it. "When are we going?"

"Well, that's for you to decide," Thundercracker reminded him.

 _Do we have to go tonight_? Starscream wondered. But…well, yes, they did, because the Autobots had planned their strike for tonight!

"We'll go in about two hours," Starscream told them. _Just enough time for me to get a nap in_.

 **TWO HOURS LATER…**

"Starscream!" Skywarp was hollering as he shook Starscream awake.

"What?!" Starscream snapped.

"Time for the battle!" Skywarp shouted. "Come on, let's go!"

Starscream's stomach lurched with nerves; he had always wanted to be leader, but after all that had gone on today…Would he really be able to handle it?

The last thing Starscream wanted to do was drag himself out of bed, but somehow he managed to do it. Along with all the other Decepticons (except for Megatron, who had to take care of the kids) he flew to the Ark.

"Um, what was the plan again?" someone asked.

Oh no. That was when Starscream realized he hadn't read the battle plan, and now they thought he'd memorized it!

"Um…blow the place up!" Starscream cried.

"Sir yes sir!" said the Decepticon, and shot at the Ark. Immediately, all the Autobots came running out, shooting their weapons at the Decepticons. Starscream still had his wing injury, and again, his skills had grown flimsy after spending two years taking care of the kids. Oh no…oh no! Starscream shot his null rays at everything, but nobody got injured except him because he realized he was getting hit a lot! And…oh Primus, that was when Optimus Prime decided to show up again.

"So we meet again, Starscream," said Optimus, holding his gun. "Prepared to fight?"

"Always," Starscream squeaked, but he didn't mean it. All he wanted was to run away!

"So be it then," Optimus replied, and Starscream felt himself get shot in the face. As the world started to turn black, he heard Optimus saying, "You're predictable, you're arrogant, and you never stood a chance."


	3. Housewife Megatron

When Megatron awoke the next morning, he was in Soundwave's room, sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Hmm…strange. Soundwave would usually give him the bed. This would need to be addressed.

Megatron looked around for his twins, and then saw them sleeping next to each other in a sleeping bag, all curled up in each other's arms. It reminded him of that time, over two years ago now, when he first saw their sonogram. One of the best things about being a twin was having an automatic best friend.

It was light out, so Megatron checked his internal clock—eight in the morning. Slaggit, he was late; he should've been out of the house by seven! Why hadn't Soundwave woken him up? They were supposed to go on the mission together!

Megatron's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Sapphire screaming. Hmm…that was strange. She hardly ever cried in the morning; Starscream went into the nursery every morning to check on her and make sure she was okay. But Sapphire's vocals were getting hoarse. Megatron felt something weird in his spark—like it was physically paining him or something. Why? Well, whatever. Megatron had to go see what Starscream was doing.

But when he went into the nursery…Starscream wasn't there.

Megatron picked up Sapphire in his arms (he just wanted her to stop screaming) and searched throughout the whole base. Starscream wasn't anywhere, and for that matter, Soundwave and Long Haul were gone too! Megatron finally confronted Thundercracker in the kitchen.

"Thundercracker!" he hollered. "Where is Starscream?"

"I thought you knew, Megatron," said Thundercracker. "Starscream went with Soundwave and Long Haul on their regular energon mission. Didn't he tell you about it?"

"No, he didn't!" Megatron snapped. "And I was supposed to go! Not him!"

"I thought you'd dropped your career to focus on your family." Thundercracker looked bewildered. "Someone needs to take care of the sparklings while Starscream is at work all day."

"Starscream? Work?" Megatron snorted with laughter. "Starscream never does any work."

"Um. Well." Thundercracker paused. "Whatever you say, bruh."

Thundercracker was looking at Megatron like he had two heads, but Megatron just ignored him and looked in the freezer for a bottle. As much as he didn't like it, someone had to shut her up if Starscream wasn't home—and Starscream was going to get a talking-to when he returned.

Hmm…five bottles were left in the freezer. Would it be enough to last the whole day?

"Thundercracker, did Starscream say when he was going to be back?" Megatron asked the blue Seeker.

"Maybe around four or five." Thundercracker shrugged.

Megatron looked in the freezer. There were five bottles. Hmm…that was probably enough, right? Sapphire usually filled five or six dirty diapies in one day, so five bottles would surely keep her full until Starscream got back and could fill some more.

Meanwhile, Sapphire was still screaming. Megatron grabbed a bottle out of the freezer and sat down at the table. Oh man…it had been so long since he'd fed a sparkling a bottle…how was he supposed to do it? What if he dropped her on her head? Sapphire squirmed and fussed but finally took the bottle.

Sapphire was slowly going to sleep as she ate. Megatron didn't know what to do. Should he bounce her? Rock her? Snuggle her?

It was an awkward feeding, but finally Sapphire had finished the whole bottle. She was starting to drift off into stasis. Thank goodness! Megatron walked to his suite and set the sleeping femme in her crib. In the hallway on his way back, he ran into Stars and Megs.

"Morning!" Stars chirped. "Breakfast time?"

"Maybe Starscream left something for you," Megatron told the little ones. "Come on."

They went back to the kitchen. Megatron placed Stars and Megs on stools by the kitchen island, and then he looked through the refrigerator, but he couldn't find anything except some old high-grade. Oh yeah…he was supposed to go search for energon today but he'd overslept! Maybe that was why Starscream had decided to take the job for him.

"You'll make us breakfast, right?" Stars asked, pointing to the counter. That was when he noticed all the cooking ingredients Starscream had left out—cybernoodles with energon meatballs, which he made for them almost every day; energon soup (liquid energon with little cubes in it); and energon cereal. Megatron guessed the twins might want the cereal, but he didn't really know how to make it for them.

"Um…what do you guys want?" Megatron asked.

"Cereal!" they chimed.

"Okay, I guess so." Megatron hunted for some bowls and poured the cereal in, then handed the two bowls to his sparklings.

"No, that's not how you make it!" Megs looked shocked. "It's dry!"

 _Oh right_. _Energon milk_. Megatron sighed and poured the energon milk on top of the cereal, and the twins started to eat. Okay, they were eating. That was good. Megatron decided that today could be his day off, and he went into the living room to watch some TV. About five minutes into his show, he heard what sounded like high-pitched voices screaming in the kitchen.

"Stars! Megs! Quit—oh no…" Megatron did a facepalm and stared at the kitchen. Energon cereal was everywhere, and Megs was chasing Stars with a fork. Both of the twins were covered in cereal.

"No fair!" Stars shrieked as Megs threw some cereal onto him.

"SILENCE!" Megatron barked. Stars landed onto the table, and Megs dropped his fork. Megatron picked up the twins in his arms. "You two have been very bad! You need to take a time-out now."

"No time-out!" Stars screamed, and started to cry. Megs soon followed suit. Megatron was feeling the beginnings of a headache, but the twins had to learn their lesson.

"Sit," Megatron commanded, pointing to the corner of the room. When they sat down, he said, "Stay."

Although the twins technically stayed in the corner, they didn't give Megatron much peace. Stars wouldn't stop crying, and Megs kicked his feet against the wall, leaned back onto his chair, made farting noises with his hands, etc. Their time-out was supposed to be fifteen minutes; once the time was up, Megatron was going to let them out when he heard Sapphire crying again. She had only been asleep for a half an hour! What could she possibly want?

"You can leave time-out," Megatron told the twins. "But if I catch you messing up again, you'll be in time-out for an hour, got it?"

"Whatever," said Megs, jumping off of his time-out chair and running across the room.

Megatron sighed and went into the nursery, where Sapphire was screaming and screaming. Sapphire might _look_ a lot like him, but she definitely inherited her personality from Starscream. Just a needy little baby!

Well, she couldn't be hungry because he just fed her a half hour ago, right? And she didn't need her diapie changed because there was no smell. Hmm…confusing. Megatron picked her up and discovered her diapie was just wet. Gross, but not as gross as if she'd made Number Two, which she did a lot…

 _How do you change a diaper anyway_? Megatron thought. They had no changing table, so Megatron lay her down on Stars' bed. Oh great… _now_ he could smell it. Megatron quickly took off her diapie and threw it in the hamper to be washed, making sure not to touch it too much, and then tied another cloth diaper onto her. How did Starscream get them to stay on? Oh yeah. Pins. Megatron reached for a diaper pin and finished tying Sapphire's diaper on. It didn't quite look like it did when Starscream changed her, exactly, but at least she was clean, right? Megatron hoped he would never have to do that again.

Megatron wasn't sure whether or not he should leave her in the nursery, or if she might want something more out of him. In fact, she'd seemed kind of happy when he was done changing her…but didn't she need to sleep? Besides, he already had his hands full with the twins. Sapphire could stay in her crib.

Stars and Megs were watching _Autobot Air Force_ , their favorite cartoon. Megatron didn't know a whole lot about it. Starscream had always watched it as a Seekerling, and he found some old tapes at a thrift store that he showed to his kids. Maybe the TV would keep them occupied, and Megatron could get some rest…but he'd barely been sleeping for fifteen minutes when he awoke to Sapphire.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me," Megatron mumbled. _Please don_ ' _t let her have a poopy diaper_ …

No, she was hungry. Megatron had to leave her and snatch a bottle from the freezer. Okay, there were three left now, and it wasn't even noon. Sapphire had eaten just about an hour ago! Why was she hungry _again_? Well, whatever. Megatron sat down in Sapphire's rocking chair (a gift from Starscream's mother) and, as usual, she fussed for a little until he finally managed to get her to take the bottle.

As he watched her, Megatron realized how much she really did look like her grandmother. It made him miss his mother that much more, wishing she wasn't in the kingdom of Primus and was down here with him instead, able to meet her granddaughter, to touch and hold her. Megatron remembered his mother telling him stories about what his father was like, how he'd carried him on his shoulders and played catch with him outside. She never mentioned the day he'd gotten killed. Megatron had a blurry memory of her taking him into the bathroom one cloudy day, holding him in her arms, crying like he had never seen her cry before. At the time he had been far too young to understand; he thought his daddy would come home from work, give his wife and son a kiss and hug, and ask what was for dinner, just like always. But he never did, and Megatron never saw his father again.

 _Was I ever that small_? Megatron wondered, noticing that he could fit his little daughter in the palm of his hand. Megatron, for the most part, couldn't remember his father, and he wondered: Had his father held him in his arms when he was falling asleep? Had his father changed his diapers and fed him bottles? Megatron had (in his opinion) grown to be a strong, successful, independent mech. How could he have started out that small and helpless?

Megatron noticed that Sapphire was falling asleep, and that her bottle was almost empty. So he gave her a kiss, wrapped her in a blanket and left the room, shutting the door behind him. Megatron was left with a strange feeling, but he couldn't put it into words.

…

Almost two hours had passed. It was almost noon, and there was only one bottle left. Sapphire had also made two more wet diapies, and Megatron was trying to deny the fact that a real messy one was inevitably coming soon. Also, he had a big headache, which was only intensified because Stars and Megs were fighting again. This had never really concerned him, because it was usually just play-fighting, and he thought it was good practice for when they began their careers as Decepticons, but they were loud and he just wanted to take some medicine and sneak in a nap, because he hadn't been able to rest all day.

"Stars? Megs?" said Megatron exhaustedly. "Can you _please_ find something quiet to do?"

"No. That's boring," Megs replied, kicking Stars in the leg. Stars retaliated by smacking him on the arm.

"I said find something QUIET to do!" Megatron hollered.

This time the twins ignored him completely. Megatron was about to give them time-out again, but then Sapphire's familiar screeches began to pierce the air.

"Sapphire is crying," said Stars.

"Good thing we have you to point out the obvious, Stars," Megatron mumbled, getting up from the couch. What could she possibly want now? But when Megatron entered the nursery, he instantly knew what was wrong. Eloquently put, Sapphire's latest meal seemed to have finally worked its way through her system.

 _Oh no_ , Megatron thought, picking up the sparkling and laying her down on the bed again. _Shitshitshitshitshitshit_ …ew, literally. Shit.

"Did you HAVE to do this, Sapphire?" Megatron asked, covering his mouth with his hand and unfastening Sapphire's dirty diapie with only the tips of his fingers. That thing wouldn't need to be washed. It would need to be burned.

Megatron had no idea where Starscream kept the wipes, so he did the only thing he could think of, which was to wipe the majority of the poop off with the front half of the dirty diaper. Oh, great. Now his hands, the diaper _and_ Sapphire were covered in poop, and she was still squirming and screaming louder and louder. Yes…she had _definitely_ inherited her voice from Starscream.

Things got worse when Stars came stumbling into the room. Megatron was trying to figure out how he'd get Sapphire clean, touch her diapie without getting more of the poop on his hands, and put on the clean diapie when he felt Stars tugging on his leg, trying to get his attention.

"What?" Megatron snapped.

"I was having a running race with Megs," said the toddler tearfully, "and I fell down and got a boo-boo."

Megatron looked down at Stars' kneecap. Starscream probably would have cleaned up the injury, given it a Band-Aid and a kiss and sent Stars out to play, but Megatron was too annoyed to see it from a sparkling's point of view. It was just a tiny scrape, and the sparkling let THAT bring him down? What kind of Decepticon was Megatron raising here?!

"Just ignore it!" Megatron told him. "You're not going to die."

"But—but it hurts," Stars whimpered.

"Oh, man up!" Megatron shouted, and that was when Stars began to cry. Megatron clenched his teeth. "SOUNDWAVE!"

 _Wait_ , _no_ , _Soundwave is out with Starscream_ …

"SKYWARP!" Megatron hollered, but the purple Seeker didn't come running like he normally would have if he heard a sparkling crying. But that meant that both of Megatron's go-to babysitters were gone! Megatron kept calling Skywarp's name until finally Gemstone rushed into the nursery, holding Stardust in one arm.

"What in the Pit is going on in here?" she demanded.

"Where's Skywarp?" Megatron asked, and pointed down at Stars. "I need him."

"Skywarp and Thundercracker are out flying." Gemstone looked at the crying toddler and bent down to pick him up. "Primus, Megatron, what'd you do to him? Poor little guy."

"I didn't do anything!" Megatron protested.

"Well, maybe that's the problem," Gemstone said shortly.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you're even worse with sparklings than I am," Gemstone replied, frowning as she left the room. "And that's saying something."

Megatron paused, watching her leave the room. Why did that hurt so much?

 **ONE HOUR LATER…**

After some struggling, Sapphire's diapie was finally changed, along with the wet one that followed it, and the finishing of the last bottle. Megatron hoped she wouldn't have to eat again until Starscream got home. Meanwhile, the twins started pestering Megatron about lunch.

"We're hungry," they said as they pulled at his fingers, climbed on him, tapped on his helmet. Megatron finally yawned and stood up. Couldn't he just get _one little minute_ of rest? That was all he asked!

"Fine, I'll make you lunch," Megatron snapped, beckoning for them to follow him into the kitchen. "What do you two want?"

"Cybernoodles!" Megs told him. "With energon meatballs!"

"Well, y'know, I've never done it before," said Megatron nervously.

"What do you mean?" Stars looked confused. "You always cook it for us!"

"No, I don't, it's always Starscream who—" Megatron paused. It was always Starscream who did _what_? Everything was going backwards today. Soundwave and Starscream were doing his job, and Megatron was stuck at home alone with the kids and everybody was acting like it was normal, like it was what he did every day. Indeed, he was doing Starscream's job, and Starscream was doing his, so…

"Mommy?" Stars asked quietly, and that was when it hit Megatron. Right now he _was_ Stars' mommy, because he had switched lives with Starscream. Megatron was now the one who gave birth to all three sparklings, the one who had a spark-bond with them, the one who had to stay home all day taking care of them. It was hardly past noon and Megatron was starting to go insane. How did Starscream _do_ all this?!

It didn't matter. If Megatron had switched lives with his spark-mate, as he suspected, the twins and Sapphire were under his and only his care now.

"Okay," Megatron told them calmly. "Let's make your lunch."

Megatron looked at the box for directions. Luckily he could just defrost the energon meatballs in the microwave, but he had never cooked on a stove before. Starscream wasn't a good cook, but one meal he was especially good at was cybernoodles and energon meatballs, which the twins loved so much that they demanded it every day.

 _Boil water in large pot_. Okay…Megatron put one of their pots on the stove and turned the burner on, watching the flame ignite. This wasn't so hard. Megs and Stars sat eagerly by the island, waiting for their meal.

The instructions said to cook the noodles for 10-12 minutes, so Megatron took note of the time—it was 1:45 in the afternoon. So at 1:55, Megatron could take the noodles off the stove and dump them in the sink—all he had to do was stir until they were tender enough to eat. Then maybe while the twins were eating, he could finally get some rest.

It was a little boring, waiting for the water to boil. Megatron told the sparklings to go watch TV in the living room while he waited for the water to start bubbling. Soon enough, little bubbles appeared on the sides of the pot, and then the water finally reached a boiling point. Megatron called the little ones back in.

"How much pasta do you want?" Megatron asked them.

"Make the whole box!" Megs told him.

Megatron nodded and dumped the entire box of noodles into the water, keeping his eyes on the clock as he stirred. When it was finally 1:55, he put the strainer in the sink, then used the pot holders to pick up the pot and dump the noodles into the strainer for the sparklings to eat. Easy!

Well, most of Starscream's life might be difficult to navigate. But at least cooking was something he could manage. Megatron took the pot holders off his hands and tossed them onto the counter next to the stove. Or at least, that's where he thought he threw them.

Stars and Megs were jumping with excitement as Megatron picked up the strainer and set out two empty bowls…until they started screaming. Megatron stopped cold. That was when he realized that one of the pot holders hadn't landed on the counter—it had landed on the stove, and he'd forgotten to turn the burner off.

"FIRE! FIRE!" Stars screamed, flying around and around in circles; Megs was trying to blow on the flames, but of course that didn't work. Megatron was shocked at what he saw—the pot holder had caught on fire, and the flames were only getting higher.

"Put it out Mommy! Put it out!" Megs cried. As he always did in a troublesome situation, Megatron looked around to see what his options were. And then it hit him— _they were underwater_.

"Get the pots, you two!" Megatron hollered, pointing to the drawers where they kept the big cooking pots. Stars and Megs opened the drawers and grabbed what they could, then watched Megatron punch a hole in the wall, letting a big stream of water flow in. The twins, quickly picking up on the plan, scrambled up to gather the water in the pots. Megatron grabbed a third pot and did the same.

"Now dump!" Megatron continued, once all three pots were full. Stars and Megs couldn't reach the stove from on the ground, but they both poured the water on the fire from above as Megatron emptied his own pot.

And they watched with horror as the flames jumped into the air with new life, spreading to the cabinets and counters.

"It's bigger!" Stars pointed out, looking terrified. Now the water in the kitchen was up to Megatron's ankles, and he knew that if he didn't do something quick, his entire base of operations would be up in smoke.

Megatron gripped his head in his hands. Water was supposed to put out fire—even he knew that! So why hadn't this worked?

 _Maybe I can smother it with something_ , Megatron thought. But with what? It had to be something non-flammable. Megatron ran to the refrigerator and searched for something, anything, trying to remember what he'd learned about fire safety. They didn't have fire on Cybertron, so he didn't know much.

Their fridge was mostly filled with energon, and Megatron knew that wasn't a good option, since energon was highly explosive. But wait…

 _Energon fire!_

Megatron had run into energon fire plenty of times back in the day. One time it had happened to him in the kitchen, and his mother had been able to put it out. But how? Megatron's eyes quickly scanned over everything they had in the refrigerator until they stopped on something that looked familiar—baking soda! That's it!

This was an Earth fire, and Megatron's baking soda was energon-based. But this was the only thing he could think of.

Megatron remembered his mother telling him to stand back as she grabbed the box from the refrigerator and doused the flames, preventing what could have burned the entire apartment down. Now he did the same, pouring it first on the burner and then pouring the cooking ingredient into the pasta bowls and tossing it onto the cabinets, the counters, and every single flame he could see. Seeing the blaze start to falter, he grabbed a pot lid in each hand and slammed them onto the remaining fire, smothering it. In the absence of oxygen, the fire put itself out. Megatron sighed in relief and shut the burner off.

Then he dropped to his knees and held his sparklings close, thanking Primus for sparing them as the water got higher.

"Let's go find something to cover up the hole in the wall," he whispered.

…

After the fire, Stars and Megs had been too scared to be wild, and Megatron just sat with them on the couch, letting them sit on his lap as he told them how much he loved them. They were getting sleepy, too, since it was almost time for their naps. So he slowly led them to his office, where they kept the crib and the twins' miniature beds.

"Thanks for saving us," Stars mumbled sleepily as he snuggled underneath the covers.

"No problem, buddy," Megatron said quietly, giving him a quick goodnight kiss and then looking over at the other twin. Megs was already fast asleep, his thumb in his mouth. Sapphire was fussing, so Megatron lifted her out of her crib and into his arms so the twins could sleep in peace.

By the time they got to the living room, Sapphire was full-out crying. Since her diaper was clean, Megatron figured she was hungry again…but they were all out of bottles. Knowing now that he was the mother, Megatron realized why it had been so hard to get Sapphire to take a bottle—because what she really wanted had been only a couple layers of armor away.

"Okay, I've…I've seen this done before," Megatron told her nervously. "So…I can probably do it myself."

 _If I truly have switched lives with Starscream_ , _that makes me the mother_ , Megatron thought to himself. _And if that's true_ , _then_...

Yes, Megatron came equipped with a fully-functional lactation cable. It was ten times more awkward than with a bottle feeding, but it was characteristic for Sapphire to quickly latch on, and she was soon eating happily, her small black hands curled into tiny fists.

Since he didn't know what else to do, Megatron tried to remember Starscream doing the same thing. Cable-feeding Sapphire felt kind of uncomfortable; Megatron would be embarrassed if somebody were to walk in right now. But dating back to when Stars and Megs were newborns and had been cable-feeding every hour like Sapphire did now, Starscream had never had a problem with it. Usually he'd do it at the kitchen table in the mornings, oftentimes changing the other twin's diaper at the same time. Or he'd do his other Supermom duties with a hungry sparkling cradled in the crook of his arm; he had even done it while vacuuming a couple of times.

When she was finally done, Sapphire shut her big red eyes and drifted into sleep, one little hand wrapped tightly around Megatron's finger. Megatron shut his chest compartment and stood up slowly, holding Sapphire against his shoulder, feeling her breathe softly in her sleep.

…

Megatron was finally able to take a big fat nap after that, lasting about an hour until Sapphire woke him up with another dirty diaper—not quite as bad as her last disaster, but still not exactly pleasant to take clean up. Stars and Megs had gotten up from their naps, so Sapphire and Megatron were the only ones in the nursery, but Stars and Megs were playing independently in the living room. That was one good thing about them getting older—they didn't have to be supervised every moment of the day.

After he was finished changing Sapphire's latest diaper, Megatron headed back to the living room to check on Stars and Megs. Stars was playing with his little toy airplane (a gift he'd gotten from Starscream on his first birthday) but Megs was gone. _Probably left to get a toy he left in the other room_ , Megatron thought to himself as he sat down on the couch, but he was wrong.

"Um…Mommy?" said Megs, walking up to Megatron and pulling on his leg. The little gunformer looked guilty.

"What happened, Megs?" Megatron asked suspiciously.

"I-I…I kind of had an accident," Megs told him.

"What _kind_ of accident?"

"The potty kind," Megs explained quietly, looking guiltier than ever.

"Oh for crying out—what did you have to go and do that for?!" Megatron yelled, standing up from the couch.

"I'm sorry, Mommy." Megs looked like he was going to cry. Megatron sighed, knowing who was going to have to clean it up.

…

Megatron had gone through some humiliating experiences in his life, it was true, but cleaning up Megs' mess in the bathroom was near the top of the list. Megatron considered giving him time out, but then changed his mind. The sparkling felt bad enough as it is, and besides, he and his brother had been out of diapers for less than a year. Things like this were bound to happen every once in a while.

By the time Megatron was done cleaning, it was about three in the afternoon. Thank goodness… only one hour until Starscream got home. It had been an exhausting day. There were a few more feedings with Sapphire and another dirty diaper. But finally, at around 4:30, Starscream came home. Stars and Megs were fighting AGAIN, and Megatron was so sick of it! So when Starscream walked in the door, the first thing Megatron did was yell.

"It's about time you showed up!'' he hollered. " _Your_ sparklings have been acting like complete and total brats and I can't take it anymore! Can't you have a talk with them or something and give me a little rest?!''

"Just be quiet, Megatron,'' said Starscream, sounding annoyed. "Can't you see I've had a rough day while you just sit on your aft all day? Why don't you make yourself useful and cook some dinner?''

"B-But…'' Megatron watched Starscream go into the living room to his chair. Was that really what Megatron sounded like when he came home every evening?

…

Because Megatron and his sons had all lost their appetites after the fire in the kitchen, they still had the pasta and meatballs left over. They were cold, as usual, and the pasta had a special ''burnt'' flavor to it. Megatron decided not to tell Starscream why.

After dinner, Starscream and most of the other Decepticons were summoned to fight in a battle with the Autobots. Naturally, Megatron had to stay home and take care of Sapphire and the twins.

So it was just the four of them, back at base. Megatron was sitting on the couch around seven at night. Sapphire was in his arms, sleeping, and he was sleeping too. Stars and Megs were watching ''Autobot Air Force'' on TV. It was relatively peaceful, when Megatron was bolted awake by his com. link ringing.

"Hello?'' he mumbled sleepily, not bothering to check the Caller ID.

"Greetings, Professor Megatron,'' the voice said on the other line. "This is Crystal City College. Are you able to speak right now?''

"Wait… did you just call me _Professor_ Megatron?''

"Well, you have a Master's degree in both Biology and Chemistry, respectively, do you not?''

"Oh… oh yeah.'' Megatron sighed. Of course. If he had switched lives with Starscream, that meant he also held Starscream's degrees. "Sorry, I've just had a long day.''

"Well, we know it's short notice, but we were hoping you would be able to deliver a guest lecture at our college on the mathematical properties of Chemistry?''

"What do you think I am, a mathematician?" Megatron hollered.

"Um…yes?" guessed the person on the phone, sounding confused.

"Um, NO!" Megatron wished he had a receiver to slam down like the humans did when they were angry at a caller, but instead he just pressed the "end call" button very aggressively. It was so agitating to Megatron when people showed off their degrees. Starscream had two Master's degrees, one in Biology and one in Chemistry, and Skyfire had a Master's in Geology and a Ph.D. in Biology (that was how he and Starscream met).It wasn't Megatron's fault that he hadn't finished high school!

Wait. Skyfire! Megatron could just call Skyfire and ask him what to say, and then he could deliver the lecture at Crystal City College!

Megatron dialed the Autobot base's number, adding Skyfire's extension at the end (apparently now that Skyfire was his best friend, the shuttle was already in his speed dial).

"Yes?" Skyfire said pleasantly, picking up the phone. That was something that got on Megatron's nerves. Skyfire was always pleasant. It was infuriating.

"Um, this is Megatron," said Megatron. "Could I ask you for a favor?"

"What kind of favor?"

"Well, Crystal City College has invited me to give a lecture about the mathematical properties of Chemistry," Megatron explained. "I want to take them up on their offer, but I'm not sure what to say. Could you help me come up with something?"

"Gee, Megatron, I'd love to, but I don't have a degree in Chemistry," Skyfire said apologetically. "My degrees are a Ph.D. in Biology and a Master's in Geology."

"I don't care what degrees you have!" Megatron yelled, resisting the urge to call Skyfire an annoying slagtard. "Just HELP ME!"

That was when they heard Speedwing calling Skyfire. "Honey? Where are you? Is everything okay?"

"Yes, darling!" Skyfire told her, and Megatron felt like throwing up; then Skyfire continued his conversation with Megatron. "Listen, friend, I'm kind of in the middle of something right now. Speedwing and I are teaching our evening science enrichment program for sparklings. We're building diagrams of Cybertron and I need to help everyone. Besides, you have a degree in Chemistry. You should be able to deliver the speech. You're probably just nervous, that's all."

"I'm not nervous!" Megatron was furious. "I'm a GREAT public speaker! I just don't know the—hold on."

Megatron's com. link was beeping with a call on another line; the gray mech's eyes grew wide in horror as he saw who the caller was. It was from none other than the University of Cybertron.

This was not good. If it was the University of Cybertron, it had to be something big. Whenever they called Starscream, it seemed like the Seeker always had to talk them through some horrible disaster, using scientific jargon that Megatron didn't even understand. And now, as Starscream's substitute, Megatron was expected to take this call and, most likely, fix an emergency .

"Megatron?" Skyfire was saying, but his voice was growing faint. "Are you still there?"

"Oh sweet Primus," Megatron mumbled. Suddenly he was feeling dizzy.

"Megatron!" Skyfire repeated, this time sounding anxious, but Megatron did not answer, for he had collapsed onto the floor.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	4. Beauty Remains

Starscream awoke again to a ray of sunlight shining through his window. Stardust was sleeping in her crib, and the twins were still in Thundercracker's bed, snoozing away. Skywarp was in the bathroom— _probably just having his morning time again_ , Starscream thought. __

"Well, good morning," Megatron said, smiling. "I thought you were never going to wake up."

"Megatron?" Starscream stared at Megatron, who was sitting by the side of the bed in a chair, holding Sapphire and rocking the little femme gently. She was wearing the giant blue bow Starscream's mother had knitted for her, and Megatron had swaddled her in her matching knit blue blanket (yes, also a gift from her grandmother).

"I thought I would take care of Sapphire this morning," Megatron explained. "I fed her a bottle, and now she's sleeping."

"What caused this change of spark?" Starscream asked.

"Well, I was thinking," said Megatron, "and now I know that I haven't been appreciating you as much as I should be."

"W-What do you...?" Starscream was shocked, but Megatron wasn't done.

"So that's why I've decided to give you the whole day off," Megatron continued. "I've even booked you an appointment to get a good wing-buffing. Go flying with Skywarp and Thundercracker, go shopping, work in your science lab, I really don't care. You just can't do any work."

"But who will take care of the sparklings?" Starscream asked, feeling worried.

"I was just getting to that," Megatron replied. "I turned my Decepticon leader duties over to Soundwave today, and I'm going to spend the whole day with the kids. They need more time with their daddy."

"Oh, Megatron." Starscream felt his spark in his throat. "You have no idea how much that means to me."

"Starscream, your job is _much_ harder than mine," said Megatron, remembering his crazy dream. How Starscream had not lost his marbles yet, Megatron did not know.

"Don't be silly," said Starscream, smiling weakly and gesturing to Sapphire. "Look who my boss is."

"Seriously, though," said Megatron. "Taking care of three younglings is no walk in the park."

"N-No, Megatron. I used to want to lead the Decepticons, but..." Starscream laughed. Even though he now knew it had only been a dream, he could still almost feel that cramp from the training session. "Now I'm not so sure."

"It sounds so exciting and prestigious," Megatron agreed. "But being the Decepticon leader is actually pretty boring."

"And hard!" Starscream told him. "I don't feel like facing Optimus Prime head-on just yet, especially since I realized I'm not exactly in tip-top shape anymore."

"You'll _always_ be perfect, Starscream," said Megatron, wrapping his arms around his Seeker. Starscream loved the feeling of Megatron's strength protecting him instead of hurting him. Now he knew how Megatron got that strong! Once they had separated, Starscream became a little more serious, recalling what he had told Skywarp last night.

"Listen, Megatron," Starscream said. "It's no secret that we both have a ton of stress in our lives. But...but I think it's a problem when we take it out on each other."

"Well, that's what married couples do," said Megatron, smiling slightly.

"We're not married," said Starscream, giving Megatron a weird look.

"You might want to check your finger," said Megatron, nodding his head in the direction of Starscream's hand.

Starscream held up his left hand and stared in shock. On his finger was a beautiful ring, colored deep blue, gleaming in the early morning sunlight.

"You're shitting me," Starscream whispered, his voice hoarse.

"I shit you not." Megatron held Starscream's hand and sighed. "That's why I've been so exhausted lately. I'm having the Constructicons build a gazebo type-thing for the festivities, and of course they can't do anything right. I've been working almost triple-time to get enough energon cubes to pay for everything, and Shockwave isn't always so reliable on sending supplies all the way from Cybertron. You ever tried interstellar banking? And I don't know how many guests we'll need, and it's been so hard to keep it a secret, I just..."

"Are you saying what I think you're saying, Megatron?" Starscream asked, still staring at his ring. It was all he could do to get the words out.

"Will you marry me?" Megatron asked, bending down and staring into Starscream's eyes.

Starscream returned the gaze, and he had to let out a quiet chuckle. Megatron _did_ look exhausted, almost fatigued, but still hopeful as his eyes drifted over to the deep-blue ring. Silly Megatron, working so hard. Just for him.

"Of course I will, Megatron," Starscream laughed, wiping away tears as his shock and amazement suddenly burst open and gave way to happiness and the kind of slap-happy, giggly euphoria that you only get when life throws something truly amazing your way. They both had awakened from nightmares to enter a dream that the two of them shared. "I-I love you, big guy."

"I love you too," Megatron whispered. "So much."

"And this ring is amazing," Starscream continued, pulling away for a little and looking at the engagement ring. Then his eyes squinted, and he looked a little closer. "Is this...is this sapphire?"

"Yes," Megatron told him gently. "You see, that was my mother's engagement ring. My father got it custom-made. When she was on her deathbed, she was too weak to take it off her finger, so I did so for her. I remember she told me, 'Keep this ring. Keep it until you meet someone who means as much to you as you do to me.'"

"And then what?" Starscream breathed.

"And then she died," Megatron told him. "Of course I never pawned the ring, even when I really needed money, because it was all I had left of her. But I honestly thought I would never find someone to give it to."

"Your mother said to keep it until you found someone worthy," Starscream told him quietly. "And...and you chose to give it to me?"

"I think she'd agree with my choice," Megatron replied, and that was when Starscream truly started bawling. Megatron was surprised at first when Starscream threw his arms around his fiancé's neck, but then he broke into a grin as he stroked the back of Starscream's helmet, trying to comfort him just a little bit. That was one thing he had always liked about Starscream; no matter what he was feeling, he would always display such a show of raw expression. Megatron supposed that was characteristic of most Seekers in general, but Starscream was one of the few Seekers he could tolerate. Sapphire, fast asleep, was cradled in one of Megatron's arms, while Starscream was squirming in the other, still sobbing deliriously.

 _Can this be happening?_ Starscream was thinking to himself. _This is happening_. _This is real. I've never felt so alive!_ __

That was when he felt someone tap him on the back.

"Mommy?" It was Stars, hovering in the air, with Megs standing on the bed right behind him. It seemed they had woken up and noticed Starscream's waterworks.

"We'll make it all better, Mommy," Megs said, looking concerned. "Don't be sad."

"Sad." Starscream pulled both squirming, bewildered toddlers into his arms and started crying all over again, this time laughing through his tears. "Oh, honey, I've never felt so happy in all my life."

 **-the end-**


End file.
